Let’s call a spade a spade: 2016 sucks.
It was a veritable pile of garbage for everyone, so at the very least it was an equal opportunity year. No one was left out of the bulls–t. See what we did there finding the positive?
But anyways, it’s time to look forward into 2017. It has to be a good year, solely because there is nowhere to go but up. That being said, we do have high hopes for what the next twelve months will bring. It’s going to start off with a bang thanks to the stellar lineup of award show hosts (that would be Jimmy Fallon, James Corden and Jimmy Kimmel) and we’re finally going to get that female-led superhero movie we’ve all been waiting for (Wonder Woman, of course).
So in the spirit of positive thinking, we’re setting our New Year’s resolutions as high as our expectations will go. Nothing is out of reach—we totally can give up candy for the entire year! And we’re absolutely going to read one book a month! And we’re never, ever going to take our cell phones out at the dinner table again. Magic!
We’re not letting our favorite celebs off so easily, either. We’ve decided that the generous thing to do is to help them out by coming up with their resolutions for them. We’ve had a few idea ideas up our sleeve about things they could do to improve themselves and the world, so why not put them out in the universe?
And yes, Zac Efron, we’re still advising you to take that one-shirtless-picture-a-day.
Ryan ReynoldsBe less secretive in 2017. Yes, we mean give up that baby’s name, bro!
RihannaFinally accept Drake‘s love.
Meg RyanSign on for at least one romantic comedy reunion.
Justin BieberGive up fur.
Kate MiddletonStart watching Suits. Possibly, before that, start watching television period.
Bella ThorneSubscribe to The New Yorker and read every issue cover-to-cover. It just seems like that might be good.
Michelle ObamaLearn how to make fudge. Because we feel like she’d be really good at making fudge, she finally doesn’t have to pretend to be obsessed with vegetables, and any other resolution makes us too sad that she’s leaving us.
Jennifer LawrenceRemain upright throughout all of award season.
Zac Efron: Take at least one shirtless photo per day. And yes, stills from Baywatch count.
Kendall JennerEmbark on a once-weekly digital detox…let’s try and prevent another deletion.
James Corden: Book Justin Timberlake on Carpool Karaoke.
Justin TimberlakeGo on Carpool Karaoke.
Kelly RipaGive up looking for a co-host. You don’t need nobody else, girl!
Gigi HadidFacilitate the reconciliation of One Direction.
David BeckhamNothing. To us, you are perfect.
Liam Neeson Two words for you…Taken 4.
Ryan GoslingTry at least one Ryan Gosling-themed product per week.